Bad Horror Movie Morning

I am absolutely one of those chicks that will investigate strange noises, and I will do so armed and ready to defend myself. I also happen to be one of those chicks that gets distracted very easily and tends to leave mid-activity to conduct a new activity. All of these characteristics of mine led me to be standing in the garage in just my pj bottoms and bra holding a machete in one hand and a cucumber in another. Imagine the look on a burglars face (if there had been one) if he had been found by some half-naked chick holding a weapon and a vegetable.
Let me back up a little so you know exactly how I got into that situation. I've been debating all morning (I say all morning but I've only been awake an hour or two) if I should shower or not. I don't particularly feel like it but my coworkers would probably appreciate it. Being undecided on the matter, I've remained in my pajamas. I then decided I wanted to dance around the kitchen (it's a popular pastime of mine) so a bra was probably in order. I left the dance scene to change my clothes but, still undecided on the shower, I only removed my top and replaced it with a wickedly cute bra. It's a dance club bra. Not really but I want you to think I own such garments as dance club bras. I then traipse back to the kitchen to dance when I suddenly decided I should eat a cucumber sandwich for lunch before my basil goes bad. While rummaging through the refrigerator for my cucumber, I hear a loud and obvious noise coming from the garage/south side of the house. So I do what any normal woman would do and I grab the machete off the kitchen counter (hand to God, I had a machete laying on my kitchen counter. Much yard work was done yesterday, including but not limited to removal of man-high weeds and trees that decided to exist in the most inconvenient of locations) and merrily skip my way down the stairs, fling open the door to my garage, and try my best to look intimidating while standing there in a dance club bra, pink striped pajama bottoms, a dirty machete in one hand and a threatening cucumber in the other.
There was nothing in my garage except the junk I put in there so I then decided to do something to prove I completely lack good judgement. I went outside to investigate. Yep, still wearing my dance club bra and holding a cucumber. Gee, I'm not sure why all my neighbors think I'm crazy.
By the way, no perpetrator was found (thankfully) and it was probably my elm tree playing tricks on me. If this had been a bad horror movie, as it appears to be, I would have been gutted upon returning inside. I'm gonna go take a shower now. And I'm gonna take my cucumber..just in case.