It has come to my attention that certain people lack skills required to successfully complete deviant behavior. I'm here to help. Here are a few things I've learned...umm..from watching movies.-
1. SHUT UP- if you commit a crime (legal or moral) DON'T tell everyone! The fact this even has to be on the list embarrasses me! Smarten up, criminals! If you tell Suzy, she's gonna tell Jeffrey, who's gonna tell Sally, who's gonna tell her swim team, who will each tell 14 people. Keep your mouth shut.
2. Don't blog about it- you don't see me blogging about the four banks I robbed last month, do you?! NO! Keeping your mouth shut also includes typing or writing. And don't draw pics of the details of the crime either. Journals are strictly forbidden.
3. Keep no survivors- this includes souvenirs and trophies. You do not need to keep that ear. Destroy everything.
4. Evidence- rubber gloves and a hair net will save you HOURS of jury deliberation.
5. If you can't drown it, torch it.
6. Do not keep the documents or photos that will incriminate you. See #5.
7. If you get arrested, don't talk. The more you say, the worse it gets. Pretend you left your tongue in your other pants. Unless that was your crime in the first place.
8. If you can't follow the rules above, just don't do anything wrong..ever.
Yes, why does the bad guy always explain all the details of his or her crime before offing the last witness, thereby leaving time for the last minute rescue of said witness? Don't they ever learn? Maybe they should read more mystery novels so they can learn what not to do!
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